“When You Feel Miserable” – Gold

I love the guitar riffs in this song. They have this sort of inevitable feel to them that just pulls you along. Sometimes smooth, sometimes gritty, they show the complexity of a relationship where not all is as it seems to be.

This songs makes me remember such a relationship. I once took a walk with a sweet girl, so sweet, I knew it was true. Except when it wasn’t true. Despite everything that seemed on paper to be a perfect pairing, something was missing at the core. I knew it in my gut right away but I tamped down my intuition so that I could continue to believe that what was ultimately illusion was real, true and would stay with me.

Of course, it all eventually fell apart. I was as invisible to her as she was to me. Left in the rubble, I had to decide what I was going to do. Was I going to continue to chase after a mirage? Was I going to find a new person or a new thing to distract me? Was I going to apply my considerable brain power and energy into fixing what was broken? These are my usual patterns. Keep my hands busy and my brain occupied at all costs.

I did something different this time. I accepted my pain. Instead of trying to explain it away or fix it, I just let it be. I let the pain of so many situations, not just the broken relationship but ancient childhood pains, be acknowledged and accepted. The pain moved through my body and was released. Paradoxically, allowing the pain to be was when I stopped feeling miserable.

We can put so much energy into avoiding accepting what has happened in the past and the pain that comes with that reality that there is scarcely any energy left for living. We fear looking at the pain like it is the Medusa living in a darkened cave; should we lay our eyes upon it, it might turn us to stone. I’ve spent years being miserable just to avoid accepting the very real pain in my heart and the situations that caused that pain. Once I accepted it and allowed it to be, it was done and over with in a matter of minutes. It was the most significant pivot point in the history of my life.

So when you feel miserable, try accepting your pain and allow it to move through you. Stop resisting it. Stop trying to run from it or distract yourself from it with things or people. Stop trying to fix it. Just let it be.