In this song, we see JM trying on the Pixies’ song structure (loud, quiet, loud) on for size. It must have felt too small because he altered it to loud, quiet, quieter, loud. It’s all good though. Anything that remotely reminds me of my enduring love for Kim Deal automatically gets gold stars.
I confess that I had no idea this song was about Jesus. I really didn’t start understanding most of JM’s singing until around Leave Here a Stranger. I’ve never bothered to look up the lyrics until today. I just thought it was one of his sentimental songs about his friends as that is a persistent theme. My new favorite lyric is:
Born to grace
The one that you don’t chase
Both grace and my propensity to chase after things have been major themes of my introspection in the past year. Born into the family dynamics that I was, I’ve always had to chase after something. If I wasn’t chasing after people, I was chasing after ideas or some arbitrary quest I created for myself. I have often described myself as being like a shark who has to swim even when it is sleeping, just to propel water through its gills.
My relationship with God is one area where I haven’t felt the need to chase. It is a strange thing since that is how I have historically approached everything else in my life. I’ve had conversations with friends where they described seeking God like Ahab sought Moby Dick. I’m not sure why I’m different. It’s certainly not because of anything I have done; if there was a way to fuck it up, I would have found it. Maybe God just knew that I needed grace early and I need it often. I don’t know where I would be or who I would be without it.